It’s so nice to go back and read my thoughts from months ago and realize that my worries and stress is over now. It makes right now seem less stressful. Kind of.
It’s odd when someone you know just stops existing. I don’t think I can close my eyes anymore. The vision of a person’s face when you close your eyes is the most chilling thing. Could I have lived my life differently before in order for things to be different now? After all, humans all affect each other right? The butterfly effect? I have spent years where I felt numb and completely dead inside, so I know the darkness. But I will not die a casualty. I will not die a statistic. I will not, I can promise you that.
She’s my girlfriend.
Burt is gettin’ some use, folks!
You can sit and analyze who I am, where I’m going, and what I’ve done
but it will never erase who you are and who you always will be.
Believe me, I’ve sat and I’ve analyzed.
All I can decide is that what’s done is done and we can’t and won’t go back.
I can’t forget what you’ve done or what you’ve made me do to myself.
And although I wish I never knew you, I must say you’ve taught me more than any other person.
And if I’ve burnt bridges because of you, I know I should call it my own mistake.
But you’re the only one who finds worth in the doors that have been closed; they didn’t matter anyway.
We always said we wouldn’t end up like her.
We’d get where we want because we can, but the truth is that I am the only one who could.
We’d “kiss this town goodbye” and be big kids.
We’d get over the things we were sick of and start over.
But as much as I wanted to see myself painting walls and living a life that’s new,
I always knew deep inside that no one could live with you anyway.
I don’t blame you.
You are weak and not worth correcting.
I blame them for not raising you well.
I blame his choices.
I blame her influence.
I blame this circumstance.
But most of all, I blame myself for not seeing through you from the very beginning.
And although you aren’t even worth these words, I will mention that
you’ll never be anything more than the little victory you think you just won.